Article 1

Just my luck!

 

I was jogging peacefully one afternoon, when suddenly Nick Carter passed by. He said ,"Wow, great hair, man, I wish I had something like that". Well, I didn't want to be rude by walking right past, so I said " Don't be so hard on yourself kid.. your time will come." He said thanks and went away....but I remembered he didn't ask for my autograph. So I ran up behind him, signed on his t-shirt and said, "anytime". He pushed me in the dirt, kicked me twice, punched me in the nose, in the chin and in my stomach. I didn't like that very much. So I walked off without saying goodbye. That should take care of him.

I jogged for about 2 hours and then Cindy Crawford started following me . Well, I don't like these models, they think too much of themselves, so I started running. 13 hours later, I just couldn't run any longer, so I stopped and turned around. She parked her Porsche, and walked up to me. She punched me straight in the nose, you know. Firstly, I awready don't like models, and on top of that, she punched me in the nose. So I stared at her until she got bored and went away. Then I stole her car.

I drove on for an hour and a half, and stopped in front of a cafe. Some steward opened the door and said, "May I be of any assistance?". It was a dumb question, so I shot him.

I went inside and sat at a table. Then the waiter came and told me that you could sit on chairs too. He was indirectly being very rude to me, so I figured that this man deserves to be punished. So I ordered coffee. He felt very insulted and started swearing, much of which I couldn't understand. I called the manager and complained that the waiter was using some really foul language. The manager started swearing the same way too, and it was so fast I couldn't pick up what he was saying. So I blew up the restaurant with dynamite and left the place. The next day in the news paper, I read that three employees died in a chinese restaurant. Poor people.

I met Janet Jackson the other day on my way back from the mall... I asked her, "Where's Michael?". She looked at me and said, " Your what? ". I slapped her twice, one for not answering my question, the second for trying to avoid my first slap.

Bugs Bunny called up, but I wasn't in a mood for chatting, so I said," What's up doc?". He got hopelessly confused so he put the phone down. That took care of him. No sooner did I put the phone down, when it rung again. So I cut the wire. But it kept ringing. So I hit it with my head twice , but nothing happened. Then I brought a sledge hammer and pounded it to pieces. But it still kept ringing. So I brought a blow torch and started melting the fragments. Would you believe it, it still kept ringing. Then I heard a knock on the door and I opened it to find the pizza man,who said " is something wrong with your door bell?."

I threw him out of the window, and went shopping. Some one told me Will Smith was in the hospital on his first day of being hired by Pizza Hut. Poor Willy, I went to the hospital to offer my condolences and flowers . He saw me and jumped out the hospital window.

Man, I had to replace the whole roof of my Porsche.